A holiday letter (LLeigh, 2016)
Another holiday season is here and once again I write to you from far away. I know you worry about me. But that is not something new, I think I have always scared you, at least a little bit.
I know you are worried about me now, this year I am worried too. I hope you actually find some comfort in that. You know that when I truly begin to feel this way that there are pieces of me that “wake up.” I’ll survive it, I always do.
The political climate that seeks to silence voices of truth to cover it’s corrupt roots and selfish goals is intense. Those that live in those roles always hold the things we love in a sort of “ransom” and use phrases like “for their own good.” The intended outcome is never for anyone’s “good,” except to profit ugly things.
The wild horses I love are in grave danger this year, of course “for their own good.” The long standing corruptions have built such a mess that they blame on their victims; the wild horses, the voices against it and the land itself. Right now we even have a livestock industry that produces about 3% of all beef utilized in the US and responsible for over a hundred years of severe damage to the landscape pushing bought and paid for “studies” claiming they are “good” for the land. The studies are flawed and in private conversation there are many that will admit to the corruption, even the process to create these assertions. Yet, as always, they fear the retribution from the larger bully. “For their own good” is even being asserted as an excuse to kill the wild horses so the corruption can continue. I’ve been here before… and as always the truth is deep and has been twisted and bent until it is almost unrecognizable by anyone not caught in it.
Where human hands come in contact with the beating heart of the wild ones we have taken giant leaps backwards. It is as if in one moment every single human being I encounter, that I had prayed had at least some integrity, set it aside to justify the actions of those that rely on intimidation over just action… or to satisfy some simplistic selfish desire. If I speak the truth? Once again I am the “problem.”
I need to watch what I do and say “for my own good” and to gain access to those “held for ransom,” by those that say “trust me.” Been here before too and people forget you are not blind or stupid. Trust can not be asked for when you are lying, to cover a lie and to prepare for the next one you tell. Words must match actions, and if there is no integrity there is simply no integrity. A lie is the action.
This holiday season I feel alone again but I know, deep down, it is not the truth. So I am attempting to banish that negative. There are many voices that are massing against this wave of literal destruction. I carry you in my heart too. It gives me hope. We both know that sometimes that is all you need to turn a table.
There is a lot I can not speak of now. But there are hands in this darkness that I touch that are working, as I am, to find some light of truth.
I am reminded of the video I made for you when I was told not to speak of what I was doing but was free to speak of how I felt. I made that sappy video to “get it out of my system.” Holding these emotions, without expression, creates a sadness inside that grows. When we give it just a moment in the light, like a match to gasoline, it can blaze bright and bring one into the light of hope. The silence I had to keep when I made that video brought victory to every single objective of that time, I hold onto the light of hope for this time as well.
I think of you always mom.
I love you.
Video below made in 2010: “The hardest thing to witness is the ability of humans to look at wrong and lie to make it seem right.”
Categories: Wild Horse Education